Trouble Breaking Bad Habits? Let’s Reframe the Problem.
When it comes to taking a step in a new direction, there’s always an element of fear because you’re stepping into the unknown. We all know this when it comes to big life decisions like changing jobs, opening a business, or buying a house because there are clear risks. But when it comes to negative habits, fear is just as present but often unconscious.
Let’s say you quit smoking. You finish your pack and put out the ‘last’ one, but then you wake up the next day, make your coffee, and convince yourself that just one more won’t hurt. Within moments, you’re out the door buying yet another pack.
Or maybe you feel empty after binge-watching some stupid show, and you say, “Never again.” Soon enough, the urge arises, and you tell yourself, there’s nothing wrong with it, everyone does it, I’m allowed — all true. But then you do it, and whether everyone does it or not, you feel empty yet again.
Where did these thoughts posing as logic come from? How did the clarity you had had suddenly disappear?
Yes, there is addiction; yes, there is habit; and yes, there is the need for willpower, but sometimes, the issue is actually an unconscious fear of change. Because some part of you knows that if you choose differently, even when it comes to one small instance, it will lead you down a new path — away from the comfortable .
Truth is, growth isn’t comfortable — and as long as your fear of the unknown remains unconscious, it will continue to drive your actions and keep you stuck.
It takes courage to face the fact that fear is even present. It takes courage to move in a new direction. The choice is yours.
Choose the habitual: do the thing that will result in that same empty feeling you’ve experienced over and over again. Or when you see yourself sliding down some familiar path, remember that real change lies on the other side of that choice.
Ok, I was eating chips. And as if watching a familiar movie, I knew I was gonna eat the whole f*@%ing bag. But just then, I remembered my advice and told myself, “Courage!”
Ha! Nothing changed. I just kept right on eating.
But I tried again and told myself that even though it was so stupid and little, eating that bag of chips was me trying to stay comfortable and stuck. So, I reminded myself that this habit was fear. I wasn’t angry or belittling; I just accepted the simple truth that there was fear of change, and if I kept on with this small defeat, I would be feeding the inertia. I acknowledged the fear and once again, with a little oomph, told myself to have courage, and I put the bag down.
It was small, but small things done consistently lead to change.
I don’t pretend like it’s easy. Habits create mountains of resistance. But as with anything, with practice, you will get better and build resilience to that internal fear.
The first step is recognizing that some part of you doesn’t want to change, and that’s normal. It’s instinctual to fear the unknown. The unknown is where all danger lies. But just because you understand the tendency doesn’t mean you need to surrender to it. If you recognize the presence of fear and remind yourself to have courage just one time, it will be a breakthrough that gets the ball rolling.
The next step is to keep the ball rolling, and that might mean you need support — someone to keep you accountable to what you keep saying you want.
If you found this tip useful and you’re interested in learning to use movement not only as recreation but also as a way of breaking through the resistance that keeps you repeating negative patterns, contact me and book your free coaching session today and take that first step in a new direction.
